


Mer-Doof

by minteafresha



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 12:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17223821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minteafresha/pseuds/minteafresha
Summary: Phineas and Ferb host a skate competition while Heinz Doofenshmirtz tries to win a running competition...





	Mer-Doof

**Author's Note:**

> Real quick fic inspired by a Perryshmirtz mermaid pic by pxdoodles.tumblr.com . Here is my drawing I did that goes with the fic http://minteafresha.tumblr.com/post/181820636734/mer-doof-inspired-by-pxdoodles-drawing - There’s kind of Phineas x Django implied but they’re kids so they are best friends for now. :) !

A teenage girl named Candace put the finishing touches on a final knot to something huge.... Which turned out to be a very large tarp. This tarp was tightly draped like a tent over a very very tall U-ramp. Candace dusted her hands off together and put her hands on her hips, admiring her work. “Finally done... covering whatever this is. Phineas, what did you make this time? What’s with the giant light bulb???”

Candace’s little brother Phineas looked up from his clipboard and smiled. “Ferb and I are holding a skateboarding contest which doubles as a battery-charging event. The ramp gathers kinetic energy from the wheels rolling on it. The light bulb shows how full the battery is.” A large light bulb hummed dimly way up in the sky, high above the ramp and attached to two poles which crossed over the ramp perpendicularly. “You can join in if you want!” Phineas continued merrily signing people into the event. People had bikes and skateboards and helmets and knee pads.

“No way, Phineas, I’m way too busy with my own thing. That ramp is soooo bustable. And it’s so not getting away because of the tent I put on it.”

“The shade is so nice, Candace, thank you!!!” Phineas said.

“Aw put a sock in it!” Candace swatted the air dismissively, and stormed off to observe from a safe distance and call their mom.

One of the skaters stepped up. It was Django Brown! “Hi Phineas!”

Phineas smiled brightly up at his friend. He scribbled Django’s name and info quickly. “Glad you could make it! You’re all set up!”

“Thanks Phin,” Django said. He then put his hand up to his brow. “Hey, where’s your platypus Perry?”

Meanwhile, in the house, the still and silent Perry the Platypus suddenly burst into action and lifted up the hallway rug to reveal a secret lair entrance. He slipped inside and tugged the rug back into place before sliding all the way down the chute. He dropped into his chair in the lair and waited for instruction. Major Monogram flickered onto the screen.

“Good morning, Agent P. Doofenshmirtz is out in the woods today doing who knows what. Oh wait, we know what. He’s entered a race at the county fair. Go investigate his evil plan and put a stop to it! I gotta go use this coupon for the craft store during my break because it expires today and I TOTALLY forgot. We both have missions today apparently. Good luck!”

Perry saluted and went to put on his jet pack. He flew off up, over, and beyond Danville.

Heinz was indeed out in the woods, far from the fairgrounds. He had a large cloth covering some new invention. His head was stuck under the cloth as he fiddled with the machine. He heard Perry’s jet pack engine approach and turn off.

He peeped his head out. “Just a moment, Perry the Platypus!”

Perry waited again. There was soon a clanging of a metal door closing. Heinz produced a remote from his pocket and clicked it. A many-legged ottoman shot out from the thick of the woods and locked itself on top of Perry the Platypus. It was very heavy and staked into the ground.

“Nice, huh? I got that thing from a thrift store and lovingly carved some new legs for it. My trap will make sense when you listen... I have entered into the marathon nearby here but I need to be out here first to prepare... I’ve always been absolutely AWFUL at races, due to my.. er, lacking physique.” He gestured to the lower half of his body. At this moment Perry noticed Heinz was wearing running shoes, running shorts, compression shorts, a tank top, a headband, and racing number across his shirt. Very stylish.

Heinz continued, “So I really need to up the ante. I’ve created something which will guarantee my success and fame... Behold-“ Heinz tugged off the cloth to reveal a giant walk-in metal detector of some sort. Except it looked more like a big steak fork. “-the Legs-Replace-inator! It will replace my legs with the body of a horse, which would turn me into a centaur obviously. I’ll definitely win the race this way.”

He clambered into the machine and turned the setting dial. “And I’ll make the news as some kind of scientific milestone, too! I’ll be so famous and have the power to take over the Tri-state area!!!! Let’s see what this baby can do.”

Heinz pressed the big button that said “TRANSFORM”. Flashes of light and electricity enveloped him. Perry had to shield his eyes from how bright it was. The flashing soon ceased and Heinz’s legs had turned into....

The elongated version of the tail of a leopard shark. He still wore the tank top and racing number, but the shorts were ripped off and the shoes were tossed out of the machine onto the grass.

“Oh, shoot! I had it set to ‘merperson’!” Heinz looked at the dial and the options were merperson, centaur, satyr, human, sphinx, harpy, medusa, pogo stick, and amputee.

Perry had been digging his way out from under the ottoman this whole time and succeeded at this moment. He leaped toward Heinz and got him off the inator.

“Oh I can’t fight- get off me, Perry the Platypus! Turn me back into a human at least.”

It was too late, Perry was dragging him off. Heinz would have turned himself into a centaur with the access to the dial anyway. Heinz flailed and struggled in Perry’s strong grip. He aimed for Perry’s face, but any blows he landed we’re not distracting at all. Perry heaved his load to get a better hold and Heinz gave up.

Heinz said after a few minutes, “I am very tired, Perry the Platypus. Why are you doing this to me??? I’m gonna miss the race! OOF-!” Perry had stopped .

Heinz tried to turn his head to see where Perry had brought him. Perry heaved Heinz’s body one last time...

Right into the lake. Heinz screamed, “Woa-a-aaaah!!!” He splashed and writhed in the water for a little bit. Then he realized he had gills on his hips. He let himself breathe.... And he wasn’t tired or scared anymore. He flitted and flounced about as Perry joined him in the lake, hat still jammed onto his head.

“This water isn’t the best.... but it will have to do for now.” Perry could see Heinz’s tail better underwater now, now that it was in action. It was very beautiful because of how wonderfully the many spots along the long tail were patterned.

Heinz realized he was basically trapped in the lake. “Oh fantastic! I guess I’m gonna be here all day then. Well at least I can actually move..” The evil scientist did loop-the-loops in the water and started actually enjoying himself. “Wheeeeeee!!!!!”

Back in the Flynn-Fletcher backyard, things were really heating up. Phineas was in a judges booth suspended under the light bulb, high up, in the middle area of the ramp. Skateboarding legend Ryan Sheckler accompanied him. Phineas leaned into the microphone. “Oh how wonderful this shade is, everybody! Give it up for my sister Candace for her generous help!”

Cheers were heard from the crowd. Candace was grumbling off to the side and barked into her phone, “Yes, Mom, NOW! Phineas is really up high in a judges booth, you need to get back right now..”

Phineas cleared his throat. “And now for Ferb Fletcher’s performance. He has prepared for us a skating routine to the tune of.... Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony.”

Ferb walked to the edge of the ramp and waved at his adoring fans, humbly. He put the skateboard on the edge and stopped it with his foot. The music started: DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN......... He swiftly turned his back to the ramp, foot still on the board. DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!! Everyone gasped. Ferb let the board go and the skateboard started coasting down the ramp. He did a back flip down down down onto the skateboard and landed on his head!!!!

The crowd went wild. Ryan Sheckler shook Phineas by the shoulders at how incredible the stunt was. “Look at him go!” Ryan said ecstatically. “We’re off to a great start!”

Meanwhile, Heinz Doofenshmirtz was also having a lot of fun- being a merman. “Now if there was a swimming competition nearby, I would be a shoe-in.” He tapped his chin as he kept swimming very quickly and aimlessly. “Or rather, a tail-in. Tail-fin. Tail fin-in.”

Perry saw Heinz was about to crash into the dock. Perry chirped through the water but Heinz did not notice. Perry grabbed his shirt at the last moment.

“Wahhh!!! Oh thank you, Perry the Platypus. That could have been fatal.” Perry relaxed his arms and let go, smiling fondly.

Heinz picked at the racing number still pinned to his shirt. “Good thing these things are waterproof. Maybe I can still make it to the race?”

Perry frowned and tore off the number. Heinz gritted his teeth. “I’m gonna get in that race and win, you hear me!”

He snatched the number back and started swimming away. Perry chased after him. Heinz was much faster than him, and Perry had to put in a lot of effort to keep pace. He surfaced for a moment to breathe and went back under. Heinz had escaped his sight. Drat! But then, he noticed Heinz was stuck in a metal drum barrel he had run through accidentally.

Perry hurriedly went to save him. They held hands and Perry pulled as hard as he could. “Ow ow ow, gently! This thing is rusty!”

Heinz grimaced in pain and then looked into Perry’s eyes. Heinz was getting tired of running and Perry was getting tired of chasing. “I’m sorry Perry the Platypus, that this scheme today is so tiring.” Heinz hung his head and sighed, arms still outstretched and locked with Perry’s. He looked up again. “Look, I’m gonna give this up today right now. The race has already passed by now and it’s no use. The effects of the inator are gonna wear off sooner or later so you can just leave me here. Curse you and all that.”

Perry shook his head and desperately kept trying to pull Heinz out. Heinz yelped in pain again. Perry went to the barrel and started bending the metal so it wouldn’t hurt him.

“You don’t have to do this for me, it’s fine...” Heinz said. “Really, you can just leave me here.” And before he knew it, he was free. He looked down at himself. “Oh! There we go!” Perry was so happy and went to hold hands with Heinz again. They spun around in circles, tossing up dirt with their tails.

Heinz said, “I think maybe I kind of won a race against you today. That counts for something.” Perry smiled and shrugged, accepting the truth at hand.

There was a log-throwing competition happening up at the fair at this time, and one of the throwers was looking for the log they had lost. He said, “Hey this strange fork will do the trick!” And he hefted the Legs-Replace-inator and carried it to the fairgrounds. He threw it as hard as he could... And it entered the Flynn-Fletcher backyard.

Ryan Sheckler was about to announce the top winner. “First place goes to....”

Phineas looked up through the hole in the top of the tent. He yelled, “LOOK OUT EVERYONE! GIANT FORK INCOMING!”

The Legs-Replace-inator soared down and its prongs perfectly aligned with the ramp’s peaks. The light bulb was inside the transformation chamber. The U-ramp began sinking into the ground under the weight of the inator. Everyone evacuated just in time. The light bulb buzzed brightly and activated the inator. The rays of the inator reflected from the bulb back onto the inator. The dial was turned to centaur... And the inator turned into a giant headless horse! The light bulb was crushed by the horse body trampling it, and then the horse body ran away.

All that was left was the tent draped over the whole backyard and broken glass on top of it. Ryan shook his head in bewilderment. “Well, uh, the winner is ... Django Brown! Congrats little dude! All the best! Have a great day everybody! Thanks for showing up!”

The crowd applauded and started to pack their stuff up. Phineas went over to Django and hugged him. Django said, “Aw sorry about the broken light bulb and the battery, Phineas!”

Phineas said, “It’s totally okay! That battery was built to last, so it will not break. I wonder who will put it to use in the future when it is excavated...?”

Meanwhile, Heinz and Perry were racing each other across the lake. Mostly Heinz would win, and he would make a big deal about it every time, but sometimes Perry would win. Perry did somersaults in reaction. Maybe Heinz let him win... That didn’t really matter to Perry at this point.

Later on, they were searching for grubs and cleaning out litter in the dirt. It turned into a game of who could find the most items. They found lots of bottles, bottle caps, cans, 6-pack rings, plastic cups, some campfire skewers, barbecue sticks, and a whole ice cooler. They also found a diaper, which was disgusting. They didn’t touch that one but agreed that Perry got a point for finding it.

Heinz has just tossed a whole car tire to the shore and returned to the lake floor to search for more. “I’m winn-ing!” he sang. However, at that moment, Heinz’s tail started returning to human legs. The tail split into two tails like mitosis.... And they soon turned into human legs. He had underwear and socks on.

Shocked by the sudden inability to breathe underwater, Heinz started swimming frantically upwards. He barely made it, and Perry went up to check on him. Heinz panted, clutching onto Perry’s arms to stay afloat. Heinz was attempting to say something while spluttering and catching his breath. Perry waited again...

“I...... cough... WON!” At this last word, Heinz raised his arms up in the air and tilted backwards. He started back stroking toward the shore, and Perry followed him, smiling about what a great day they had.

Heinz dragged himself onto the shore, and sat counting the items in the two piles: one from him and one from Perry. Perry stood by and helped count. “Let’s see, the cooler cost 3 points- good one Perry the Platypus- but we agreed that this wheel-less bike I found cost 5 points because it’s made of metal.” They continued and tallied the items in the dirt. “Okay... yes I won! I won so much today, hahaha!”

Perry gave him a smug expression and put his hand on Heinz’s shoulder.

“Well, it didn’t make me famous, but it did make me happy. I think that’s good enough for me... Thank you, Perry the Platypus.” He hugged Perry. Good thing they were both fairly dry at this point or else it would have been a cold and damp hug.

Heinz stood up shakily and leaned on the bike to get his balance. “Would you care to help me load this garbage into my truck? It’s a sad thing my inator disappeared but at least it cleared up space. I’m gonna throw the small stuff away at the fair. And we can still enjoy the fair together afterwards, too!”

Perry moved to help carry the heaviest thing first (half of a rowboat), and then gestured to his watch once they put it down.

“Oh, you have to go home?” Heinz said sadly. “Well, stay as long as you want, I’m gonna be here a while.” Perry hugged him one last time before he departed with his jet pack. Heinz waved up at him. “See you later, Perry the Platypus!”

Perry arrived home and hid his jet pack in a compartment in the oak tree. Phineas and Ferb just finished saying goodbye to the skaters in the contest. They then started cleaning the glass from the light bulb. Django helped too. Candace pulled their mom into the backyard, right when they finished cleaning the glass. Their mom said, “What’s with this tent, Candace? I don’t remember having such a big tent...”

Candace stared out at the backyard. “I.... bought it.”

“Well I’m not giving you extra allowance to make up for it. Musta cost a lot,” Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher said. Candace’s blank stare turned into a scowl.

Perry appeared from under the tent. Phineas said, “Oh there you are Perry!”

Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher said, “Kids, I’m gonna make fresh lemonade, and I’ve got cookies. Come on in everybody!”

Candace rolled her eyes. “Oh, alright!” Phineas, Ferb, Django, Candace, and Perry went inside to enjoy some homemade refreshments... A great end to a great day with great friends!

The End


End file.
